Top Ten Reasons I Hate Commercial Gyms

I despise commercial gyms. Wait, let me rephrase that; I hate commercial gyms with a burning passion. Why?! Oh, let’s just count to ten…

1. You have to have your gear/clothes packed up, drive/bike/walk there, find a parking spot, check in, and possibly change clothes just to get started. There goes 30+ minutes of your day.
2. If you do change clothes, the locker room will invariably greet you with a 70+ year old man presenting the rear side of his balls as he bends over to undress. The locker room will also smell of feet and taint in general. If you’re a woman, I’m not certain of your experience – I can only imagine it’s a bit more pleasant.
3. Sweet, you survived the locker room, time to hit the weights. Great – there’s some dip-shit doing curls in the squat rack. Ignore the urge to punch this guy – you’ll need that energy for your sets.
4. You’ve finally got the squat rack or bench. Now there’s a line of guys/gals kicking their feet and pretending to make the perfect playlist while you finish your sets. You need a few minutes to rest up for the next set, but the line of annoyed people has pressured you into an early next set. No big deal – you’ve GOT this! Oh no, you DON’T have this! Too bad your spotter was checkin out the girls in the cardio area. Now, you’re screaming under load! No worries, I’m sure someone in the waiting line will rush to your aid.
5. Where are all the dumbbells?! Oh, there they are (ALL OF THEM) surrounding the guy chatting with all his buddies as if the presence of all the surrounding dumbbells will bring on hypertrophy similar to osmosis. Again, avoid the urge to punch this guy.
6. The music will generally suck. Okay, every now and then it’ll be in line with your tastes but it won’t matter because you’re rockin earbuds having already known this. Fun fact: snagging an earbud on something and ripping it out of your ear mid-workout is 100% rage-enducing. All anyone in the gym will see is some guy completely lose his mind for no apparent reason.
7. Spring Break and New-Years will result in a massive influx of the type of people that will generally do his or her curls in the squat rack (see #3)
8. Did you just drop the weights?! Sir, don’t be a “Lunk“. You’re clearly only here to intimidate others.
9. First you drop the weights, now I see you’re using chalk?! This is your second warning. If I see this again, we’ll have to ask you to leave.
10. The alternative is likely Crossfit. Shit, am I too young for a reverse mortgage?

I admit there’s plenty of hyperbole here – trying to keep it fun. In all seriousness, the two biggest thing I can’t stand are waiting for equipment and not having enough time on the bench or rack for being courteous to those that are waiting on you.

I knocked Crossfit at the end, but my only complaint with Crossfit (aside from the price and those absurd kipping pull-ups) isn’t the gym itself, it’s the general lack of programming specialization. Also, there are plenty of exceptions to the gym stereotyped but I do think they are the exception. Regardless, if you’re hitting the gym or box or whatever, and you’re happy with it, keep it up! That’s more than most folks can say.

On the other hand, if you’re tired of your gym and have the room to spare, I’m a huge advocate for the home gym, and my next post will be on that exact subject. I’ll be talking about my home gym and the essentials you’d need to create your own. I’ll also show some equipment/accessories I made on the cheap with reference to material on making your own. Finally, I’ll be talking about how you can replicate at home the vast majority of free-weight exercises you could do in a commercial gym.